Maria’s blog

Weary. Yes.... I'm very weary. Nobody reads me, so I feel safe stating my feelings here.

I shouldn't complain. I'm a lovely lady who married the man of her dreams. I have healthy children, step children, & step-grand-daughty. Both of my parents are alive. My Babushka is alive. They live 50 feet from my house. I live in a big old house on 5.5 acres of wooded land in the Great Northwest. I really like where I live. But, it comes with some fairly wicked hooks.

Ya see... some 5 years ago, my Dad came to my husband and I and made a deal with us. My husband and I would put our "sweat equity" in a place and help my parents settle. Over time my father has pivoted soo many times, I've lost track. My father is old world Russian and has more ego and arrogance than any 10 men put together. EGO= ease God out.

A week ago, my Dad decided to pull out the dog run that ran along the side of my house. Chris put it up, when we first moved here. When Chris saw what my Dad had done without discussing it with us first, he confronted my Dad. And Dad basically told Chris that it's his land, and he'll do what he wants. When Chris reminded him that we had a verbal agreement on this property, my Dad said, "you didn't get that in writing!...There's no contract!"

Oh my gosh.... it is the beginning of the end, and my Dad is too obtuse to know it.

I'm soo tired today. I had an ear-ache last night that kept me stirring most of the night. And then, we got an early morning phone call from my Dad begging to be taken to the ER. The man wouldn't stay down and properly recuperate after his surgery and manage to hurt his (driving) ankle. I’m nervous about getting back into a car with my Dad, but he's in alot of pain, and I had to do it. He behaved much better. My Mom had a talk with him. Yet, I'm still apprehensive about spending too much time with him.

The doctor at the ER couldn't say what was causing all the pain. It's not broken. I think it's sprained. The ER doc referred my Dad to a foot/ankle specialist. He has an appt. tomorrow which messes with my day I need to get up to Olympia by tomorrow to pay the nut on a pawn ticket. I was supposed to take care of that ticket today, but with my Dad needing a ride and a wind storm forecasted for this afternoon, I decided to do it Friday.

I'm cooking and laundry for both houses for the duration and running back and forth to check on my babushka (in the old folk’s home). And on top of everything else, we have a friend from Buffalo, NY staying with us (at my parents’ house). So, today I feel like, "no rest for the weary!" I'll be okay with a good night’s rest, but for now, I just want this day to be done already!!! (shagrin))

I'm having a rough time. I got the terrible throw up disease. I get this every few months. I can't stop throwing up. It's the worst ever!

Chris is sure it's an over-excess of nerves. And I have to agree. Except, I usually start off not feeling well, and then it's gets complicated with real life stress. I had a bad cold. And then the following week, I felt the flu-bug coming on, and then some "dad stress" was added, and before  I knew it, I was in bed and dieing!!!

The last time I felt good enough to move. I was gonna take my dad to town. Dad just had a knee replacement surgery. We got less than a mile down the road, and I turn Dad's Town car around and brought the ol' man back home. He was being purposely obtuse and wouldn't tell me where the headlights were located in his car. It was a rainy, dark day, and we needed the headlights! I flipped that car around soo fast, I swear I could see Papa's eyes roll back into his head!!! hehehe

Tana lasted a whole week and two days before handing Donna's children back. I guess Tana doesn't understand the nature of addiction. (sigh))) My husband is absolutely disgusted. He never expected much out of Tana, for he thinks she's very much like her mother, Mary. I, on the other hand, did expect Tana to care about those kids more than what her drugged out cousin wants. Or, at least care about "appearances" which she seems very invested in "the illusion is complete!" In this, she broke a trust with me, & she'll have a more difficult time getting around me next time. My husband won't even let her on our property again.

I've gone through my moments of frustations and anger at people who want to interject themselves into situations for their own agenda's. I'll be okay with whatever happens because I have much faith in my higher power. I also have faith that God loves those little ones and will protect them. And, Lord knows, I'll be there for those kids, in spite of everything and all the personalities trying to mess 'em up with the best of intentions. Yeah, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." If you knew them the way I do, you'd understand why it's impossible for me to give up on them or their Mother. Anyway, I keep in close contact with the oldest daughter. Plus, I ckeck the jail lists everyday for Donna's name.

I've been very ill lately. I was soo sick, my family ended up having to cancel our annual camping trip. That really bummed me out at the time. I still tire easily. Life is too short to 'boo-hoo' all the time, so I'm trying to get over it and look forward to other things. Since I'm ahead money-wise, I'll get my husband to take me to dinner & the movies (Stardust) over the weekend. The Lewis County Fair is starting August 14th, so I'll be taking the kids for a day a fun next week too. I love the fair: cotton candy, flashing lights, exhibits, joyful sounds reverberating throughout the haze of people, rides, and Elephant ears... I can hardly wait! (doing ridiculiously happy dance)))) I'll borrow my Dad's digital camera & take some PICs to share...

August 24th is Nick's High School Orientation @ WF West, and another school year begins. Nicman will be a freshman and Brenna is entering Jr. High school.

Dad and I have been rolling around ideas about creating custom bath tiles. My Dad is an awesome "tile man." But, what he has in mind is a little different & would require my artistic skills to recreate perhaps greek or egypt mythology across bath walls. Or perhaps designs of Italian fountains or greek community baths would be great on a shower stall? I never lack for ideas, and I'm always open for more ideas... So this is one of my Dad's ideas that I'm willing to dance to a little... it sounds like fun and who knows, I might even make a buck. My Dad wants to make money, so today he found a kiln that he's investing in for only $200.!  Sounds like I'm gonna have to get busy and come up with some sketches of all these ideas rolling around in my pea-brain. Looks like I'm gonna have a ceramic portpholio to share...(shagrin))))

I'm having a good day; a thoughtful day; a green day. (smile))) I've had this up and have come back to it several times to add to it. I haven't kept a personal journal since I was 12/13. After that age, I became afraid of letting anybody 'see' the real me. Now, I've been on this earth long enough to have lost those type of insecurities. (wink, grin)))

Everything happens for a reason. That's a fact. I guess Chris and I got the ball rolling in the family. Sister Donna's children continue to remain safe and secure.

When Donna realized that she wasn't getting her kids back, she changed her tune to: "I need help!" No duh sister! So, the deal is, she gets help with 12-step programs and counseling or whatever it takes to get clean & sober. And, if she shows she's clean for awhile, then she can see the kids again.

The kids went to stay with a cousin in Longview. It's further away from Donna's clutches and cousin Tana is younger and more able to keep up with the rugrats. The children seemed comfortable with going with Tana and her husband, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed. Tana promised us that under no circumstances would she give the kids back to their mother, until such a time that Donna honestly gets off the drugs.

My husband and I don't believe for a second that Donna is really ready to quit her druggin'. I wish it was true, for the kids sake, but Donna is soo far gone, she'd need an in-patient program to start the process of staying sober. Of course, Donna refused the idea of going in-patient. She's under the illusion that she'll somehow conquer her demons on her own. (sigh))))

This is what my husband and I predict... Donna has her monthly allotment of cash and food stamps (which she sells). At this point no one is threatening to take the SS from her because several family members are giving her a chance to clean up. But the truth of the matter is, she has no kiddies to watch her or keep track of things. It will only be a matter of time before she gets popped again on new meth charges.

Here we go again....

My sister in law, Donna, got arrested again... possession of meth, synthetics (cut), and a pipe. She was driving on a suspended licence which gave the cops probable cause to search her stupid ass. According to Donna, "It wasn't mine... oh yeah, it was mine, but I forgot about it cause I've been clean for 6 days!" Sure she has... NOT!

Her five children (ranging 17 to 3 years old) don't want to talk to her, and they certainly don't want to go back and live the way their mother has been inflicting them with. That woman has been torturing her babies, & she doesn't care! As long as she keeps getting those SS checks, she'll never willing give her kids peace and security.

Between other family members, we've kept Donna away from them so far. But, I imagine Donna will act crazier about loosing her payroll kiddies, and she'll be desperate to get 'em back. She just got her monthly allotment last week, but that won't last long at the rate she does drugs/alcohol.

Although I got away with buffaloing the f-ing cunt, I currently don't have a legal leg to stand on. I'm researching what it takes to file for nonparental custody. I've got #'s for Legal Aide and Human Response.

We need loads of prayers... I'm tired and scared for the children. I'm not even sure how we'll afford this pascal of children, but I have faith that God will provide what we need, when we need it. The real bitch is that last Friday the kids called and begged us to bring them some groceries, so I spent a bunch then that I could use now. (sigh))))

I think the older kids dream that now their mother is free to go into rehab and finally get clean & sober. I don't have the heart to tell the kids that it's not very likely their mother will seek help for her addictions since she won't even admit that she's doing drugs or has any problems. Donna is one of the worst druggies I've ever seen in action. And personally, I'm beginning to believe that the woman doesn't have the character to be honest, and recovery can't happen without honesty.

I've got to go for now and will continue to update this blog as I know more...

Wow... it's going to be a hot one today in SW Washington! They say it's gonna be 100 degrees in Portland. I got up early because it's still semi-cool, and I wanted to enjoy it while it lasts and get out to hydrate my garden before the sun gets too high in the sky.

Papa Alex and Nicman got home Sunday afternoon @ 3:30pm. Nick did get to go to the San Diego Zoo on Saturday, and the "Monkey-Boy" got to visit his kin. roflmao!!! Nick was born the 'year of the Monkey,' so I like to tease him (since he was a baby) about staying away from the monkey keepers, when he goes to the zoo, or else take the chance of getting thrown in the monkey cages. hehehe Anyway, now that my Nicman is home, my world is right as Washington Rain again. (shagrin))))

The next great event we have planned for the summer is our yearly camping trip. Camping is my all time favorite summer fun. We like to alternate between camping on the Washington Coast (Ocean Shores) or camping on the Cowlitz River near the Randle/Packwood areas (Big Bottom Country). This year, I've reserved a spot at the Cascade Peaks RV Resort and Campground <--this is my idea of what camping should look like! lol The plan is to take off Thursday, Aug 2nd, after Jennise and Chris get off of work and get camp set up. Then we'll have all of Friday & Saturday and most of Sunday to explore the River and or hang out at the heated swimming pools. ...perhaps, even get up some games of horseshoes!!! (doing ridiculiously happy dance)))))

Sis' birthday is August 4th, and Chris' is August 7th, so I'm calling this our 'B-Day camping trip.' I'll get Chris to bake one of his killer b-day cakes to take with us, and we'll blow out candles the evening of the 4th. I'm currently crocheting a beautiful soft-white Victorian afgan for Jennise to unwrap by the campfire. I sure hope she likes it! I can hardly wait! Whoooooo hooooooooo for us! (silly smile))))

...this is what memories are made of....

Great title, but it's not about me. Those that know me, love me very much. (smile)))

This blog is about my spirit killer father. The man never fails to miss an opportunity to complicate lives. This year, my Dad offered to take Nick down and pick him up from his Dad's in Morinno Valley, CA. It was nice, for it saved us about $400. for a round trip plane ticket. Nick's Dad, Dwayne, made it clear that he needs Nick there by June 22nd and they'd fly back from TX on July 5th.

My Dad has this interesting habit of doling out info. I think he likes to keep people guessing. It's a form of control. He told me he was pickin' Nick up the 10th. He told my husband it would be the 15th. He gave my Mom a different date every time he talked to her. Well, apparently he told Dwayne he'd picked Nick up on July 8th. Since Dwayne & his wife, Linda thought they had a couple of extra days to play, they decided to land in San Diego and have a 'father/son' time of it.

Tuesday evening I received a phone call from my Dad. He was half looped and yelling at me that he HAD to be home NOW. He was full of excuses, like he had to pay bills or he had to stop by and see Cousin Christina in Sacrametno. As I was trying to explain to the moron that when he gives people a date, they tend to take him at his word and proceed to make plans. Dad, as usual, tried to lie through is teeth, saying he told Dwayne the 6th. At one point, Dad even told me to "shut up!" And, he called me! grrrrrr I didn't get angry or yell back or hang up on him (like my husband said I should). I reminded my Dad that he told me the 10th. So, he screams at me, "I said I wanted to be home the 10th!!! In which case Dad, "you must HAVE told Dwayne the 8th, since it's a 2 day drive!" There was a pause and he says, "well, I changed my mind!" ahhhhh, honest answers... don’t see that often from the ol' man. (shagrin))) So, I said, "yes Dad, you changed your mind which isn't my fault. You need to be telling this to Dwayne, not me! Have a good evening and good night!" click.

I did write Dwayne and privately try to clean it up a bit and apoligize for my father's selfish, childish behaviors. Once again, if it isn't about him, it's not important. I knew my Dad would be drivin' Dwayne crazy with obsessive cell phone messages. I tried to make light of it and joke about how I generally try to avoid my Dad's favors because they often come with a price like, "dance little monkey's dance!" lol I also wrote him that if it was me, I'd tell the ol' man to "stick it up his ass & see ya on the 8th, like we planned!" But Dwayne is fairly passive by nature... one of the main reasons I couldn't stay w/ Dwayne, and I knew he'd give in to my Dad's demands, no matter how mad he was...

Dwayne wrote me back and said, "what time/day does he want to pick up Nick? I may dance, but I'm not talking!" And since Dwayne wasn't returning my Dad's phone calls, I got another nasty phone call from Dad yesterday morning. I guess he was soo drunk the night before, he didn't remember telling me how he'd changed his mind. He was back to trying to make me (and anybody who would listen) how we all got it wrong, and he'd originally told Dwayne the 6th. I simply reminded him he'd admitted he had changed his mind. There was dead silence and then he hung up on me! roflmao!

Later, when I was barbequing our 4th of July ribs. My Mom mentioned she'd heard from Dad and he had told her, "everybody hates me!" lol "Yeah Mom, and doesn't he sound just a tad childish?"

"Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
Sitting in the gutter eating worms all day!"

Needless to say, I've been screening my phone calls since yesterday. (sigh))) I did hear through my Mom this morning that a semi-comprimise was had and Dad won't pick Nick up until the 7th. That gives Dwayne & Nick at least one day in San Diego.